the question is, hw does people acquire their perception of love? since most of us we dont have the
first hand experience of it, so our sense of what love is, is built over time. drama series by drama series, movie by movie.
so each show gives us some kind of impression of love, some kind of angle on it. so its selective,
because you cant say everything all the time. so its a selection of what gets reported, and
who gets to have a say in it.
that moment...i noe we wanted it.

don't forget.

said a lot today..probably one of the rarer times where i successfully reveal my inner thoughts and feelings.
wonder why i just cant seem to express myself in front of certain ppl..guess it really boils down to the dynamics of the ppl involved..

kinda confused now so im more careful in my speech.
my intuition has yet to fail me...we shall see

absolutely love speed. love it. love it. love it. i want more.

am i supposed to feel sad cos very few ppl understand that theres 3 layers to me..
well, at least there are ppl who understand me haha no matter the quantity.
wad fun will it be if everyone u meet is able to immediately see you for who you r?
this sort of misunderstanding and ambiguity is needed to keep myself amused in a certain way i think.

im bored..i want smth new to play with.maybe new perspectives.
is it normal to like clubbing much? i wld admit tat i go too far at times but it just felt right at that moment..argh at least 'slut' is not used on me yet. but wadeva happens on the dance floor stays there right.
thanks for protecting and looking out for me
love dancing with people who are game haha..esp those who smell nice and say the most interesting things haha
stony faced ppl are such a turn off la
take me on the floor

updates on rest of stuff im doing;
im able to almost do 2 pirouettes now..
im able to almost do a proper handstand and hold for like 3 secs hahahhah
im trying out front walk overs and still trying to get my front tuck right
im almost able to do a front split but in extreme pain
can do one arm cart wheel!surprisingly easy haha

still staying out till damn late and waking up damn early..wonder how i manage that..
my tan is obviously fading cos of this haha
a part of my bod is either constantly aching or blistering..hai i need to drink milk

no longer as hung up on u as i was before...who knew haha perhaps e inability to hold eye contact did it...
i think i get emotionally attached too easily n most ppl who dunno me well think im not capable of doing that so it kinda hurts when stuff happens..

9june is a rather significant date for me...2 events going on..hmm

spending money like its free without a job...think i will hafta forgo the taiwan trip this mth..argh
And I know we said let go
But I kept on hanging on
Inside I know it's over
You're really gone
It's killing me
Cause there ain't nothing
That I can do
Baby, I stay in love with you

And I keep on telling myself
That you'll come back around
And I try to front like "Oh well"
Each time you let me down
See I can't get over you now
No matter what I do
But baby, baby
I stay in love with you

-i stay in love, mariah carey

deleted like 5 entries at one shot...stuffs tat are kinda private like my feelings and stuff...
trying to recover now=)
had loads of fun over the past few days...like im meeting new ppl every single day haha which is great fun..
suddenly had a clear idea of wad i should really do after my bond..and yes i shld complete my bond for the money..
dance(ryan rocks!) gym travel and late nights with friends are really helping...a lot...to give those shots of happiness i need so much..
really dun wanna be hurt again.

wonder how did they fare...

plane rides are bestest times for emoing haha with olivia ong playing in the background..

there is still a lingering sense of sadness..
miss you
exams over! but im gonna slack full time for like two days before doing the things im supposed to do...
104 went badly...stupid qns...who uses equals in their qns!ok but its my fault i didnt ask.8 marks leh!ok nvm...10 yrs ltr this wldnt matter

think the conclusion is wadeva u haf for me is just not enough...
wheneva i hear the voices of ppl who care abt me asking me wads wrong and wads going on i always feel like crying. haha wads up wif that...hai im so sorry haha hope i will stop my nonsense soon.

gonna go somewhere on my own soon....i need to get out of singapore!and frends are jus too..haha first the money issue then the time issue then the company issue...so i think going alone is the best option.need to go somewhere very safe though...i really cant take care of myself hai.

spent a bomb ytd...=(
can i be allowed to break down unglamly and haf someone stay wif me through the night?jus once la haha

things like practicum brings me back down to reality...suddenly wadeva tat im suffering from right now doesnt really matter anymore?
really wanted u by my side when it was intolerable tat night...
when u really did respond...it reminded me of the times we had...only the good ones...
miss having someone who would run to the ends of the world for me....but......

u shldnt be the standard...shldve met u later...now no one seems comparable.
do not fall in love with what a person can do for you,
fall in love with who they are.
i find this extremely complicating...tried to analyze my feelings but i jus cant seem to do so. and my feelings varies like the tides(those of open coasts)...i think its better if i dun make decisions at the spur of the moment...only to regret later on.

i think its time for me to truly be independent...as in emotionally..(even when in pain)
i see the hurt..i can feel it too when i try...but i cant stop it...think its too late since ive alrdy taken the plunge.

i dont want to cont guarding my feelings and suppressing em but i need the assurance that it will be okay...actually its really simple. jus be open and i will be too.
give me a smth to believe in..
somehow i think i wont be getting any...perhaps its time to be more sensible?

please dont read too much into what i say and get the wrong idea...im talking about several issues at the same time..its not meant to be clear anyways. its a blog not a report=/

what will happen after exams then? hmm i think i will miss u terribly..
it's like trying to get off a speeding train heading to an unknown destination...
hesistant...scared...then u start to wonder if u really wanna get off the train and wad will happen if you dont...then u start to doubt urself..what if you dun make it and end up like some wreck...but then again you will nvr know if u dun try...
i tink before i can even arrive at a decision the train would have reached its destination...or maybe it was never in my hands to decide and i get thrown off the train at a bend..

you like being in the train cos its relatively comfortable when things are fine...it gives u a direction to go to..and ure interested to know whats the destination...
you dislike being in the train cos sometimes the view is not very scenic and the ride is bumpy...

what am i talking about.....haha
actually its a pretty accurate analogy if you get the situation...

hmm i think i seriously need to do smth about my life after exams...

wad i really need is someone....unfortunately that someone wont be appearing anytime soon?

should really stop putting question marks behind my thoughts...
why would anyone say that about another person?
its just bloody unfair for someone to judge others w/o even knowing em..
but i guess there are worse cases out there...

the feeling/choice is kind of obvious now...but i'm still feeling reserved..
probably due to the confusion and high probability of getting hurt.

m gonna join smth fun haha cant wait for the hols to come!!